Six Reasons Why the ACC Sucks (aka week 2)

Ok, as an initial matter, I realize that I didn't manage to post on week 2 before the arrival of week 3, but *technically* I'm posting before the kickoff of the 12:00 games, so that counts, right?!?

Here are the six reasons why the ACC has proven that it sucks most recently:

1. VaTech lost to James Madison 21-16. James Madison is a D-II school most known for binge drinking and student riots. Gotta love the Chokies. The silver lining, of course, is that Boise State has NOTHING to brag about for the rest of the year. Even if they go undefeated. Hey, Boise, your blue field is obnoxious. Almost as obnoxious as creamcicle orange. And quit whining about not getting an automatic BCS bid. You DON'T PLAY ANYBODY ALL YEAR. OF COURSE you get to the end of the season undefeated -- you play high schools all season! Play a season in the SEC and let's see how badly you get OWNED. But I digress.

2. GaTech lost to unranked Kansas 28-25. 'Nuff said. Stick to engineering, Jackets.

3. FSU gets owned by Oklahoma 47-17. I spent 5 years in Tally and maintained that nobody cares how many times you beat Duke. Or Wake Forrest. Or Maryland. You get my drift.

4. Miami gets spanked by Ohio State 36-24. It was tough for me to watch this game because *typically* it would be one of those ones where I cheered for a meteor strike at the stadium, but I'm so tired of how over-inflated Ohio State's ranking is year in and year out that I was actually hoping that the Canes would win. Way to disappoint.

5. UNC gets a good, old-fashioned SEC @$$-whooping at the hands of LSU 30-24. Really, was ANYONE surprised by that? Stick to basketball, Tarheels.

6. The only teams in the ACC that won in week 2 either played actual D-II schools (ahem, Clemson and Maryland), virtual D-II schools (that means you, NC State and BC), or other ACC teams (Wake).

So yeah, ACC = @$$ Clown Conference. Try to deny it. The only team that played an actual opponent and played tough was UVA, who managed to keep SoCal to a meager 17-14 win over the Cavs. Way to keep up with the big boys, Virginia! (I actually DO mean that sincerely -- no sarcasm there!!)

However, as far as the SEC games go, I called it during the USC-UGA game that Marcus Lattimore WILL be a Heisman finalist within a year or two. That kid is SICK! He's like greased lightning! Go Gamecocks!

I was also shocked as all hell that Bama almost shut out Joe Pa. Joe Pa doesn't get shut out. He wins football games. I was confident that Bama would win, but I never imagined we'd keep Penn State scoreless until the 4th! Holy crap I love the Crimson Tide!!! This TOTALLY makes it up to me for having to be a student during the DuBose era and aftermath (what a tool). Can't wait to see what the SEC has in store for me today!!!

2010 Kickoff

Dear, sweet football! You’ve returned to me at long last!! I love you so much. My resolution this year is to try to be more consistent with my posts – PROMISE! (but, let’s face it: gameday festivities will most likely interfere with my consistency at some point in the season, so don’t get your panties in a twist if I don’t keep it up)

So, I’m kicking off this season with the traditional Thursday night Carolina game. You have to appreciate the Gamecocks. They love their football so much they can’t wait until Saturday to get the season going – they want their game and they want it NOW! God love ‘em. It’s early in the 1^st but they’re looking a’ight. Garcia’s put some muscle on during the off season…not looking NEARLY as skinny, and that’s a good thing for any QB facing an SEC defense. Currently, he’s holding his own against So. Miss. (not like it takes much, but still). So. Miss. is playing kinda sloppy, and Carolina’s doing well with a quick-passing game, so hopefully the Gamecocks will put some points on the board soon. They DEFINITELY have the receivers to do it – they’ve got, what, five or so that are over 6’3”??? It’s almost like OBC planned it that way…and HOLY CRAP Garcia just ran it in like he’s Tim Tebow or something! GO GAMECOCKS!!!

One of these days, though, the SEC officiating team might get mics that work, but today ain’t the day. Luckily, I know the signals, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear who most recently flubbed it up! Get with it! They're not THAT expensive!!

Yeah, so I was talking to a guy friend of mine recently about the upcoming season and trying to explain to him the intricacies of adoring college football. He’s into pro ball but not so into college ball (I know, it’s freaky – like a 3-legged chicken). He was having trouble understanding how I can cheer for other SEC teams besides Bama, so I had to break it down for him. Here’s the deal:

1. If an eastern division team is playing a western division team, I cheer for the eastern team because it makes it that much easier for Bama to visit me in the Dome in December if the eastern team wins.
2. Unless it’s Tennessee. Then I cheer for whoever’s playing Tennessee. I will even HAPPILY sing Bada Gedda (sp?) if Auburn’s kicking some Volunteer butt.
3. The caveat to that is that if Tennessee is playing someone attempting to be as obnoxious as Tennessee (many try, all fail), such as Ohio State or Miami or So. Cal. (they are NOT USC. USC is playing ball right now and hails from the Palmetto State), then I cheer for a meteor strike at the stadium.
4. If Ole Miss is playing a superior opponent in the east who could conceivably beat Alabama in the Dome in December (translation: Florida) then I cheer for Ole Miss, because Houston Knutt is entertaining to watch and nobody parties like Ole Miss. Nobody.
5. If Vandy is playing anyone but Alabama, I cheer for Vandy, because it’s Vandy, awwww! Gotta love the smart kids.
6. Rule 5 becomes much more of an emotional dilemma when Vandy plays Ole Miss, but I simply remind myself that Rule 1 remains in effect.
7. If an SEC team is playing a team from any other conference, I cheer for the SEC team because, while some jokers may attempt (in vain) to argue that their conference is better than the SEC, it’s hard to argue with stats.
8. Rules 2 and 3 apply to Rule 7.
9. If an eastern division team is playing an eastern division team, I cheer for whoever has been more entertaining thus far in the season. (Spoiler alert: it’s never Tennessee. Ever.)
10. Being from South Carolina, I am always allowed to cheer for the Gamecocks without being required to justify the same. I am also allowed to be openly amused whenever Kentucky wins, because, well, let’s face it: it’s not basketball.
11. If a western division team is playing a western division team, I cheer for whoever is least likely to challenge Bama for winning the west.
12. If The University of Alabama is playing anyone, I cheer for the Crimson Tide. Even if they play Florida State. Yes, I went to Florida State, but does that change anything? Not a snowball’s chance.
13. If two non-SEC teams are playing each other, it just depends on who’s been more entertaining thus far in the season…and who’s less likely to keep Bama from getting Number 14. (I have a soft spot for Joe Pa, but not on September 11, 2010! And I always cheer for the service academies, because it’s really hard for them to recruit talent, given that it’s guaranteed you don’t get to go pro, so when they win, they work hard for it!)

There. Simple. As many easy little rules as Alabama has National Championships. More rules may be added as The Capstone collects more Waterford crystal footballs, but as of now, we’ll hold it at 13. So I can’t wait for Saturday to roll around!!! Go Gators! Go Dawgs! Hotty Toddy! Go Cats! Go Skyhawks! Go State! War Eagle! Go Hogs! Go Dores! Geaux Tigers! And ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!

…in the mean time, I’ll continue cheering on the flagship school from my home state. C’mon Carolina fans! Join me! GAAAAMMMMEEEE!!!!!....

Not Interested in Your Asterisks :-)

For anyone to say that had McCoy played, Texas would have certainly won the game, they CLEARLY weren't watching how the Texas OL couldn't handle Mt. Cody, the rest of the DL or Bama's secondary...or how the Texas WRs couldn't catch (and keep) a pass for most of the night. One man doesn't win a football game -- he's out there with 10 other men who also have jobs to do. And let's be clear: Texas only had to play 2 really tough defenses all season -- Oklahoma and Nebraska -- and they played like crap against both. The simple truth is that Alabama had one of the hardest-hitting, most versatile defenses in the country this season, and that's what won the game.

Moreover, let's not minimize what Gilbert accomplished last night. We're talking about a freshman QB with 26 college pass attempts under his belt going into that game completely cold, and out of the blue, his team throws it all in his lap and asks him to be kind enough to fill McCoy's shoes. Yes, he didn't look so hot in the first half, but YES, he got into a rhythm in the second and actually did his job, even though he was facing a defense notorious for winning the game of Pick-Your-Blitz.

The simple truth is that Bama plays ground-and-pound football -- it's not always pretty, and they're not perfect at it -- and YES, Bama made stupid mistakes (like not covering kickoffs and SWEET JEEBUS, *WHAT* was that fake punt call?!??!!??) -- but those boys did the jobs they were asked to do.

Did Texas? Eh, well....they ran hot and cold. Honestly, EVERYONE knows Bama isn't a passing team. EVERYONE knows Bama's offense is carried on the backs of its RBs (of which we have many stellar choices). EVERYONE knows that if Ingram or Richardson or Upchurch are on the field, we're gonna give the ball to them. Did Texas shut them down? Not consistently. I mean, as much as I love Julio Jones and love that he wears Crimson and White, we've squandered his college career simply because we haven't been good enough at QB to use him. Bama will tell you it's going to run the ball. Believe them when they do.

Did Texas capitalize on key defensive victories? Not like Bama. Texas didn't have its 6'3" 296 pound defensive lineman pick off a botched shovel pass, stiff-arm one opponent and pirouette around two more to run 37 yards into the endzone. Texas didn't sideline Ingram -- the backbone of the Alabama Offense -- with a clean, legal hit so it could further frustrate any offensive Bama had previously planned on running. Texas didn't have its 6'2" 226 pound linebacker blitz McElroy from the blindside to force a turnover on the 3 yard line with 3 minutes left in the game so that its Offense could run it in for a TD.

Much love to Marcell Dareus for channeling his inner Ingram/Arenas, and to Eryk Anders for blitzing like there's no tomorrow when it really matters. Much love to Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson for fighting for every inch of yardage -- even when you've got multiple Longhorns hanging off of you. Much love to our 5th year seniors who stuck it out and rode the highs and lows with the Crimson Nation to walk away at the end of their college careers with a Waterford crystal football tucked under their arms and a ginormous championship ring on their much-deserving hands.

These boys are special. They work as a team -- each man does the job he needs to do so his teammates can do theirs. These boys have given untold blood, sweat and tears and they worked hard for this. This group of boys made The University of Alabama proud and they deserve to wholeheartedly proclaim that they are the National Champions.

So now Alabama has to hear people argue that had Colt McCoy played the entire game, Texas would have beaten Alabama. But Alabama's heard the exact same argument before after winning the Rose Bowl for all the chips -- in 1926 when Alabama was the only team willing to play the (then) juggernaut of Washington, Bama shocked the nation by beating Washington after taking out All-American halfback/linebacker George "Wildcat" Wilson by knocking him unconscious. Washington Head Coach Enoch Bagshaw shook Alabama Head Coach Wallace Wade's hand after the Tide's victory, telling him that on any other day, Washington would've beaten Alabama...to which Coach Wade responded, "We didn't come to play no series!"

At the end of the day, the Crimson Nation isn't interested in your asterisks. A win is a win. The crystal football is going to the Bryant Museum, not the Mike Campbell-Bobby Moses, Jr., Football Trophy Room. That's what it really boils down to.