Six Reasons Why the ACC Sucks (aka week 2)

Ok, as an initial matter, I realize that I didn't manage to post on week 2 before the arrival of week 3, but *technically* I'm posting before the kickoff of the 12:00 games, so that counts, right?!?

Here are the six reasons why the ACC has proven that it sucks most recently:

1. VaTech lost to James Madison 21-16. James Madison is a D-II school most known for binge drinking and student riots. Gotta love the Chokies. The silver lining, of course, is that Boise State has NOTHING to brag about for the rest of the year. Even if they go undefeated. Hey, Boise, your blue field is obnoxious. Almost as obnoxious as creamcicle orange. And quit whining about not getting an automatic BCS bid. You DON'T PLAY ANYBODY ALL YEAR. OF COURSE you get to the end of the season undefeated -- you play high schools all season! Play a season in the SEC and let's see how badly you get OWNED. But I digress.

2. GaTech lost to unranked Kansas 28-25. 'Nuff said. Stick to engineering, Jackets.

3. FSU gets owned by Oklahoma 47-17. I spent 5 years in Tally and maintained that nobody cares how many times you beat Duke. Or Wake Forrest. Or Maryland. You get my drift.

4. Miami gets spanked by Ohio State 36-24. It was tough for me to watch this game because *typically* it would be one of those ones where I cheered for a meteor strike at the stadium, but I'm so tired of how over-inflated Ohio State's ranking is year in and year out that I was actually hoping that the Canes would win. Way to disappoint.

5. UNC gets a good, old-fashioned SEC @$$-whooping at the hands of LSU 30-24. Really, was ANYONE surprised by that? Stick to basketball, Tarheels.

6. The only teams in the ACC that won in week 2 either played actual D-II schools (ahem, Clemson and Maryland), virtual D-II schools (that means you, NC State and BC), or other ACC teams (Wake).

So yeah, ACC = @$$ Clown Conference. Try to deny it. The only team that played an actual opponent and played tough was UVA, who managed to keep SoCal to a meager 17-14 win over the Cavs. Way to keep up with the big boys, Virginia! (I actually DO mean that sincerely -- no sarcasm there!!)

However, as far as the SEC games go, I called it during the USC-UGA game that Marcus Lattimore WILL be a Heisman finalist within a year or two. That kid is SICK! He's like greased lightning! Go Gamecocks!

I was also shocked as all hell that Bama almost shut out Joe Pa. Joe Pa doesn't get shut out. He wins football games. I was confident that Bama would win, but I never imagined we'd keep Penn State scoreless until the 4th! Holy crap I love the Crimson Tide!!! This TOTALLY makes it up to me for having to be a student during the DuBose era and aftermath (what a tool). Can't wait to see what the SEC has in store for me today!!!

2010 Kickoff

Dear, sweet football! You’ve returned to me at long last!! I love you so much. My resolution this year is to try to be more consistent with my posts – PROMISE! (but, let’s face it: gameday festivities will most likely interfere with my consistency at some point in the season, so don’t get your panties in a twist if I don’t keep it up)

So, I’m kicking off this season with the traditional Thursday night Carolina game. You have to appreciate the Gamecocks. They love their football so much they can’t wait until Saturday to get the season going – they want their game and they want it NOW! God love ‘em. It’s early in the 1^st but they’re looking a’ight. Garcia’s put some muscle on during the off season…not looking NEARLY as skinny, and that’s a good thing for any QB facing an SEC defense. Currently, he’s holding his own against So. Miss. (not like it takes much, but still). So. Miss. is playing kinda sloppy, and Carolina’s doing well with a quick-passing game, so hopefully the Gamecocks will put some points on the board soon. They DEFINITELY have the receivers to do it – they’ve got, what, five or so that are over 6’3”??? It’s almost like OBC planned it that way…and HOLY CRAP Garcia just ran it in like he’s Tim Tebow or something! GO GAMECOCKS!!!

One of these days, though, the SEC officiating team might get mics that work, but today ain’t the day. Luckily, I know the signals, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear who most recently flubbed it up! Get with it! They're not THAT expensive!!

Yeah, so I was talking to a guy friend of mine recently about the upcoming season and trying to explain to him the intricacies of adoring college football. He’s into pro ball but not so into college ball (I know, it’s freaky – like a 3-legged chicken). He was having trouble understanding how I can cheer for other SEC teams besides Bama, so I had to break it down for him. Here’s the deal:

1. If an eastern division team is playing a western division team, I cheer for the eastern team because it makes it that much easier for Bama to visit me in the Dome in December if the eastern team wins.
2. Unless it’s Tennessee. Then I cheer for whoever’s playing Tennessee. I will even HAPPILY sing Bada Gedda (sp?) if Auburn’s kicking some Volunteer butt.
3. The caveat to that is that if Tennessee is playing someone attempting to be as obnoxious as Tennessee (many try, all fail), such as Ohio State or Miami or So. Cal. (they are NOT USC. USC is playing ball right now and hails from the Palmetto State), then I cheer for a meteor strike at the stadium.
4. If Ole Miss is playing a superior opponent in the east who could conceivably beat Alabama in the Dome in December (translation: Florida) then I cheer for Ole Miss, because Houston Knutt is entertaining to watch and nobody parties like Ole Miss. Nobody.
5. If Vandy is playing anyone but Alabama, I cheer for Vandy, because it’s Vandy, awwww! Gotta love the smart kids.
6. Rule 5 becomes much more of an emotional dilemma when Vandy plays Ole Miss, but I simply remind myself that Rule 1 remains in effect.
7. If an SEC team is playing a team from any other conference, I cheer for the SEC team because, while some jokers may attempt (in vain) to argue that their conference is better than the SEC, it’s hard to argue with stats.
8. Rules 2 and 3 apply to Rule 7.
9. If an eastern division team is playing an eastern division team, I cheer for whoever has been more entertaining thus far in the season. (Spoiler alert: it’s never Tennessee. Ever.)
10. Being from South Carolina, I am always allowed to cheer for the Gamecocks without being required to justify the same. I am also allowed to be openly amused whenever Kentucky wins, because, well, let’s face it: it’s not basketball.
11. If a western division team is playing a western division team, I cheer for whoever is least likely to challenge Bama for winning the west.
12. If The University of Alabama is playing anyone, I cheer for the Crimson Tide. Even if they play Florida State. Yes, I went to Florida State, but does that change anything? Not a snowball’s chance.
13. If two non-SEC teams are playing each other, it just depends on who’s been more entertaining thus far in the season…and who’s less likely to keep Bama from getting Number 14. (I have a soft spot for Joe Pa, but not on September 11, 2010! And I always cheer for the service academies, because it’s really hard for them to recruit talent, given that it’s guaranteed you don’t get to go pro, so when they win, they work hard for it!)

There. Simple. As many easy little rules as Alabama has National Championships. More rules may be added as The Capstone collects more Waterford crystal footballs, but as of now, we’ll hold it at 13. So I can’t wait for Saturday to roll around!!! Go Gators! Go Dawgs! Hotty Toddy! Go Cats! Go Skyhawks! Go State! War Eagle! Go Hogs! Go Dores! Geaux Tigers! And ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!

…in the mean time, I’ll continue cheering on the flagship school from my home state. C’mon Carolina fans! Join me! GAAAAMMMMEEEE!!!!!....